Amazing Rewrite

Hi awesome readers,

We are learning how to fix surface features. Surface features are little bits in writing. They are

punctuation, capitals and spelling. Here is an example: thissentsaChulymakessen Zbuttisrellyhrd to reed. This sentence doesn't have surface features.

On the room 9 site Mrs T put on a link to a story we have to fix. We had to read it three times. The first read I looked for at the end of the sentence.

This isn't my work. This is somebody else's writing we changed. The original:

He kept absolutely still as the footsteps got louder he tried not to suffocate as he laid under the bed he was wondering what had happened to his brother and his family. The man with the knife in his hand stormed around the house. Mums had boyfriends before but we had not thought that they would ever find us maybe he was one of them looking for revenge but why would he come. mum would just move and how did he find us we live on the other side of the planet from where all of mums boyfriends were so how could he find us he might have put a tracker on mum when he last saw her or on one of the devises ‘Hello where are you I know your here you're going to tell me where you're mother is or you shall join your father... in the skies so which will it be death or freedom you have 10 seconds chose wisely’.

Here is my version:

Riley kept absolutely still as the footsteps got louder. Riley tried not to suffocate as he laid under the bed. Riley was wondering what had happened to his brother and his family. The man with the blade in his hand stormed around the house. 

Mum has had boyfriends before but we had not thought that they would ever find us. Maybe he was one of them looking for revenge, but why would he come? Mum would just move. How did he find us? We live on the other side of the planet from where all of mum’s boyfriends were. How could he find us? He might have put a tracker, on mum when he last saw her, or on one of her devises. 

“Hello, where are you? I know you are here. You're going to tell me where your mother is or you shall join your father... in the skies. so which will it be, death or freedom! You have ten seconds to chose wisely.”

Can you Spot the Difference. Tell me the difference in the comment section. The first person to get all the changes get a shout out in my next blog post. Have a nice day bye.